Thursday, November 24, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
You know what? Fuck it. I am washing my hands of this. What else is there to be done? It's only fitting that this is all hitting me at a time when I am the most cynical of men, love, and relationships that I have ever been. So everyone can take their perfect relationships and stay far, far away from me. I'm sorry that I am so bitter and please don't take it personally any of you, because I do hate it when single people give non-single people shit for not being single, but lately anything involving romance that comes near me has just made my life shittier.
I am SO out of the dating game it's not even funny. And I like it that way. I will no longer fuck around with guys and make it such a priority in my life that other things fall by the wayside, like my health, my sanity, my emotional well-being, and my friends. Sorry. I have much better things to do with my life.
[EDIT- 11:33pm] Rejection-of-Melodramatic-Blog Moment having passed... I really just need to lay down and cry. I need to keep reminding myself that I am not discouraged about life, and that I am not convinced that many people just continue on with their lives while I stand back and watch with a bleeding heart. This has nothing to do with an actual guy in my life right now... this has to do with my life, period, and all of its patterns, and how I keep seeing everything as a test of my own strength. I keep getting kicked around and the minute it seems like I'm making peace with something I encounter another manifestation of my emotional weakness. But why see it as weakness? I'm not sure. But while I figure it out, my heart is stretched thinner and thinner. And I guess it has to be okay.
I am SO out of the dating game it's not even funny. And I like it that way. I will no longer fuck around with guys and make it such a priority in my life that other things fall by the wayside, like my health, my sanity, my emotional well-being, and my friends. Sorry. I have much better things to do with my life.
[EDIT- 11:33pm] Rejection-of-Melodramatic-Blog Moment having passed... I really just need to lay down and cry. I need to keep reminding myself that I am not discouraged about life, and that I am not convinced that many people just continue on with their lives while I stand back and watch with a bleeding heart. This has nothing to do with an actual guy in my life right now... this has to do with my life, period, and all of its patterns, and how I keep seeing everything as a test of my own strength. I keep getting kicked around and the minute it seems like I'm making peace with something I encounter another manifestation of my emotional weakness. But why see it as weakness? I'm not sure. But while I figure it out, my heart is stretched thinner and thinner. And I guess it has to be okay.