lucky

Suddenly the old Britney Spears song played in my head.

But no, that's got nothing to do with this post (the song or Britney,i mean).

It's weird how quicky I shift emotions. Just yesterday I felt like the biggest wretch of the earth (around 10.30am onwards) and though I was kinda good at hiding how I really felt around everyone, the moment they'd left suddenly became cue for realizations to sink in and I cried. There was just too many welled up emotions waiting to burst and I succumed. So there I was, in a videotaped public area, stiffling like a crazy person. I'm not sure if I should be glad the team had gone home or be totally embarrassed that the staff at the Prometric Testing Center might've seen me from their monitors. ANYWAY. I hope they wouldn't have much of a recall in 30 days when I return to hopefully redeem myself.

Today though, I can't really claim that I'm over it because I have everyone around me as a constant reminder that I'd screwed up but at the same time I'd like to believe I've gotten into terms with the situation and I've come to accept that this is my fate and that there is a greater reason behind it that I am yet to understand.

You know when you get to a point where you become so devastated and there's nothing else you can do, really, because it's been done and you're just faced with the consequences of your actions that you just move on and accept reality with open arms? 

It's a bittersweet feeling. At the same I feel lucky that life gives second chances.