10:16 PM 12/22/2005

I got a text from my bestfriend yesterday and yes, it was a surprise because we never even get to talk anymore, much less see each other. Conflicting schedules, that’s why. Anyway, it was kind of random. She was at Coffee Bean in RCBC waiting for Mark and she just texted to say that life is changing rapidly. Things are really different than when we were merely college freshmen (we were 16 then). She went on to lament how she was afraid that in the end we might be exactly the same as we were back when we were younger. But I guess that’s something we shouldn’t fear. A part of who we are today is because of the person we were in the past and that’s something we should be thankful for. Who knows what we’ll all end up being? All I know is that who I was in the past will forever remain.


10:17 PM 12/22/2005

i got home yesterday, which was record-breaking, considering that i got home at 3pm on average for the past 2 weeks or so. anyway, i was kinda hoping to talk to someone (especially cuz this someone wanted to tell me something), and when i wanted to talk, suddenly the person doesn't want to.. said whatever it was was forgotten. just like that. and that irked me.

i dunno if it's just stress that's driving me up the walls lately but i just can't seem to have the patience or the stamina to endure other people and their actions. i am not generalizing though. i mean, i do get along with everyone mostly.. it's just stupidity or non-compliance and non-sequitur-ness i really can't stand.
or is it just me?

anyway, i am here at the office early (my mom and dad dropped me off and went to tiendesitas) and the floor is deserted. i am thinking of sleeping but worried my haid would go flat when i wake up so i'm spending the rest of the time typing away til i log on at 12.

i still don't have gifts for a few more people in the office and i'm planning on going to mega tomorrow after shift to complete everything and be able to bring all my gifts by saturday.. YES, we have work on Saturday night which means i'll be spending Christmas eve with ICT-HHCP people. oh well. duty calls.

oh.. here are some pics from the party last Sunday at Phi Bar, Metrowalk.

earl, pao and me at Market!Market!

Kaydee asked me earlier if I was happy.

I said yes.

It’s been tiring hopping from one relationship to another and I’ve been accustomed to having my heart pried open then just shattered into a million pieces over and over again.

Today however, that feeling of being so alive is back. I guess it’s because I am realizing that I it’s such a good feeling when what you give is reciprocated.. hehe labo ba??

Babbling again..

This rarely happens.

Kayds, I am happy.

I truly am. And it scares the hell out of me.

[mel, jidda, keiel and kaydee]

The results of your analysis say:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

3:49 AM 12/15/2005
the mysterious thing about my new lay-out is that i cannot fix the html for the date of post and the comments field properly.

anyways, i am happy today. first off, it is payday later which means i could proceed with my xmas shopping already. yey!

i was actually doing my xmas list yesterday and was kind of overwhelmed at how long the list was.. hehe.

i'll be back.

i just have to take my lunch.

oh. lunch is at 4.30 pa pala.. meanwhile, miss jai sent me the link to this online paperdoll making.. check it out http://elouai.com/doll-makers/new-dollmaker.php
aliw sha. heehee.

Sungit gave me a revel bar from Starbucks a while ago. hehe touch naman ako. =) bait bait nga nun lately eh.. di nako inaaway.

7:04 AM 12/15/2005
MY GOD. i already checked my salary+13th month pay..

HAPPY!!!!

midnight tiangge here i come!!!!

SEVEN THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1.Tv
2.cd player
3.uh.. bed.
4.coffee table (make-shift dining area ko.hehe)
5.hamper
6.dresser
7.accent chair full of bags and dirty clothes

TOP SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY MOST:
1.oh man
2.pakshet
3.eh bakit?
4.hindi nga?!
5.break guys!!!
6.BENTA TAYO!!
7.anu ba???

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE A DAY WITHOUT:
1.FOOD
2.music
3.at least 1 movie a day
4.seeing my family
5.sleeping at least 4 hours
6.cellphone
7.praying

SEVEN OTHER THINGS:
Do You:
1. Do you smoke? :not anymore
2. Send short messages:loads!
3.Read the newspaper? :i make it a point to.
4.Pray? :always.
5.Study? :not really fulll blown acad reviews, but i read. i really really try to.
6.like window shopping? : mostly when payday is coming up
7.Wish on stars? :i used to..


Have you ever:
1.gone for a date? :yeah.
2.travel alone? :no. i won't survive.
3.swam in the dark? :uhm..night swimming..?
4. gone to a party?:lots of parties
5.Ran away from home? :yup i tried to..when i reached the other block, i changed my mind and went home instead. (i was 7 then)
6.felt depressed? :yeah.. on particular instances
7.felt lonely? :not lately.

SEVEN THINGS IN LAST 24 HOURS:have you...
1. wondered? :i wonder ALL THE TIME.haha.
2.Sang? :yup!! a while ago i was just singing with my brother..
3.Been kissed? :aaah.. yeah..
4.Felt stupid? :sometimes
5.Talked to an ex? :not i the last 2 weeks, i think.
6.Missed someone? :unfortunately i do miss someone right now.
7.Hugged someone? :YUP!!

just a Christmas-sy change on the skin..

i think it's cute though. i just might keep it.

on hiatus..

You know what? Fuck it. I am washing my hands of this. What else is there to be done? It's only fitting that this is all hitting me at a time when I am the most cynical of men, love, and relationships that I have ever been. So everyone can take their perfect relationships and stay far, far away from me. I'm sorry that I am so bitter and please don't take it personally any of you, because I do hate it when single people give non-single people shit for not being single, but lately anything involving romance that comes near me has just made my life shittier.
I am SO out of the dating game it's not even funny. And I like it that way. I will no longer fuck around with guys and make it such a priority in my life that other things fall by the wayside, like my health, my sanity, my emotional well-being, and my friends. Sorry. I have much better things to do with my life.
[EDIT- 11:33pm] Rejection-of-Melodramatic-Blog Moment having passed... I really just need to lay down and cry. I need to keep reminding myself that I am not discouraged about life, and that I am not convinced that many people just continue on with their lives while I stand back and watch with a bleeding heart. This has nothing to do with an actual guy in my life right now... this has to do with my life, period, and all of its patterns, and how I keep seeing everything as a test of my own strength. I keep getting kicked around and the minute it seems like I'm making peace with something I encounter another manifestation of my emotional weakness. But why see it as weakness? I'm not sure. But while I figure it out, my heart is stretched thinner and thinner. And I guess it has to be okay.