was browsing through shiva's blog a while back and was not permitted to post a comment again.. kaya eto i decided to blog nalang since there's nothing else to mess with (tulog si anj sa batcave at mag-isa ako sa room..).

i've been to the point where i didn't know what to do with my life also.. after leaving my first job i enjoyed the new-found freedom of bumming and just not worrying about anything the next day because hey, i was just home, well-fed, well-entertained, well-equipped(dvds,tv,radio). if i wanted to see my friends i could just ask for allowance because of the excuse that i didn't have a job yet.. but it became tiring for me too.. everyday went that way for almost three months.. it's also quite excusable because i was recovering too (i had a lung thingy back in May --better now though.)

so one morning i decided to look for a job. the next day i had one. cool, huh? and i know a lot of people do not understand my work, much less accept it, but i enjoy it here. really. it's not the pay that lured me into going here again but more like the people.. and the challenge of actually proving that i'm worth being in the Household Credit Protect team (which is btw, the best account in ICT Manila). it's funny how slow i started and to tell you honestly, i was thinking of resigning after my first week because i've never felt so stupid in my life.. i mean, it's like everyone else was coping but i wasn't. that felt so bad. but i didn't give up. only losers give up. now i'm just waiting for my first commissions(which i didn't really expect) because i'm fucking selling now!haha.

well anyway, i could go on gabbing about where i am now but the baseline is, tomorrow i still wouldn't know what it really is i wanna do with my life.. you know that feeling that you likeit where you are but you know something's missing? i guess that's what life is all about.. in the search of the one thing that we feel could make us complete, we come across experiences--no matter how tiny they are, that weave our lives into this one big, beautiful tapestry.

happy birthday ate che(11th) and paolo(today)!!!

i think tampo sha.. ewan ko.. he kinda avoided me the whole day but he said hi naman after shift.. la lang.. sama ng feeling that i made this person tampo..

shivs, i dunno if u're right.. kinda scary to think that you're right eh.

i just feel soo bad today.. i only had 3 friggin' sales and then i even flunked my QA grade (i got a 2!daym!).. putashet tong araw na to.

nwey, il go off to galleria in a while and probably watch Resident Evil.. antay ko lang matapos shift nila dj.. yoko pa umuwi eh.. nababadtrip talaga ako sa benta ko.. sa grade ko.. haay..

i have a dilemma.

i was told by shivs to be nicer to this certain person kc ang bitch ko daw mashado and that the reason i sort of 'abuse' the person is cuz i know na crush ako nun.. so i was like, "di kaya!" but of course we all know shivs is correct. i mean i don't deliberately be a bitch to the person.. itz more like friendly messing, if you know what i mean.. lam mo yung lagi ko lang sha binabara and stuff like that.. basta iniinis, in short. but i do that all the time with all the guys in my batch noh so itz super normal lang for me.. anyway, after that conversation with shivs i vowed to be nicer to the guy.. so ahyun nice naman ako recently.. kaso nakasama ata.. kc mas FC (feeling close) na sha ngayon.. like 2 days ago he kissed the top of my head again when he arrived.. shempre i was busy typing something tas may biglang hahawak ng ulo mo sabay kiss. ano ba naman yun diba? tas nung end of shift nakasalubong ko sha sa may door tas sabi ba naman, "hi baby." HELLO. kelan pa diba? feeler. hay freak out ang lola mo.

last night he called me sa cel just to say that he can't make it to work cuz he was sick daw.. tas sabi ba naman.. "baby, i'll miss you" HELLOOOO?! talk about hibang talaga. ibang klase sha talaga..

in today's shift naman kinukulit ako at kinikiliti while i was doing calls so shempre pinapalo ko sha kc hello, im making calls diba? tas sabi ba naman "sungit mo naman nilalambing lang naman kita eh." HELLO FOR THE Nth TIME PEOPLE. so tumahimik nalang ako cuz asar nako at that time.. mamaya sabi nya look at my phone daw.. tas nagtext sha, inviting me to a movie tonight before the shift.. Shark's Tale daw.. eh la lang tinatamad ako.. gusto ko yung movie kaso hassle before the shift cuz i need all the sleep hours i could get. di ko nga nareplyan cuz nagkasunod-sunod yung mga benta ko.. til the time we ended our shift.. nawala rin kc sha so di ko na nasabi na bka may dvd nun at watch nalang namin sa portable player nya.

yung dilemma.. la lng.. nkakailang lang lahat ng pangyayari.. chka bka nga magtampo yun cuz di ako nagreply sa movie invite nya.. ewan ko.. ano ba to.

i need a lovelife na nga siguro noh para di na maka-magnet ng weirdos.

ang tanong, saan kaya ako makakahanap ng guy na gusto ko at di pa taken?

had a lengthy talk with Shivs last night ( til early mornin today) about her "oh-my-goodness-you-did-what-in-Baguio-adventure" pretty interesting/shocking/semi-unbelievable. haha semi cuz Baguio has this certain hormonal effect on some people.. i mean, in the sense that the weather's cool and the environment is very conducive to cuddling.. =) but wow, that was really something i didn't quite expect. hehe. yun lang i'm still dazed.

i actually made a hirit before we hung up. sabi ko, "ako kaya where can i find my own Baguio?"

and then i talked to Lara this afternoon and she kinda concluded that my Baguio is the 14th floor of the Unionbank Plaza. HAHA. sira talaga yun. it's not even close to Shiva's noh. not in a million years pare.

so i'm back at the office. i'm sick. bleh. sabi nga ni anj sana di nako pumasok, wala namang multa ang pag-absent diba? oh well. i didn't want to be absent though so i'm here. daym.

oh, mom and i aren't speaking. fought last saturday 'bout some nonsense again. well, twas more of her doing all the sermon while i semi-listened. i mean hello, my Bamboo cd was blasting in the background, who should i listen to first diba?

i'm really not feeling well. i gotta go piece my life together.

i miss everyone too.. most especially shivs and lara..

got my pay check yesterday.. i kinda expected higher digits coz of our endless o.t. but then again if you zero in on the deductions i guess it's all good na rin.. but geez, i gotta admit i did sound depressed when i said that.. well, half of me's ok with it, half's not.. i dunno.. maybe itz coz my work now is probably 5x harder than the first one and yet i got paid higher before.. oh well.

anyway, Oktoberfest is going on right now down on San Miguel Ave.. gulo nga eh.. i can hear a band playing usher's burn.. dunno what band though.. i miss going to stuff like that.. the last time i went to a gig/party with a whole bunch of friends was back in college pa ata.. (hehe i make it sound like it's been so long ago). other than that the last concert i saw was that of Hoobastank's (*brag mode*) ;) hehe speaking of Hoobastank, we were talking near ms. j's station yesterday tas she overheard me say that i saw Hoobastank live.. gusto din pala nya yun.. she even wants to buy the album pero one song lang din yung alam nya--The Reason! haha pareho kme! mga pseudo fans.

inaantok pa ko talaga.. i've only slept a total of 8 hours for the last two days.. it's a surprise i'm not falling asleep on my calls.. well yesterday was an exception siguro coz i was sitting beside Patrick eh may ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) pa naman yun.. so i was basically amazed and entertained the whole shift.. kamuka nya talaga si Trent, promise. haha. pero ibang level talaga yung pagiging petix nung batang yun.. no wonder minsan 2 lang benta nun.. haha ang sama ko..

haay wait ayusin ko lang friendster ni earl.. almost forgot.

It's amazing how different I appear to some, and how different I appear to others. Man. Or I must be schizo. Or in denial. It's all the same, I guess.

haay.. i wanna be transferred to another seat.. or maybe my seatmate should be transferred.. or maybe mike should just go back to his old place.. we sell when we sit beside each other.. hey, i have nothing against my new seatmate.. she's actually pretty nice and wholesome.. just that she sort of bugs me to death during my calls when she doesn't know what to do.. and it makes me feel guilty that i couldn't help her sometimes.. but geez.. i've got calls to make too, you know?

anyway, it feels like my soul is out of my body, lurking somewhere else.. or i just really need sleep soo bad.. i'm actually starting to hate the weekends because i can't sleep when everyone else does.. the downside of my work..

i might buy kate's phone soon.. still keeping my fingers crossed though cuz in order to do so i need anj to buy my old phone and just today he's having second thoughts.. hope things work out..

shiva got attacked by Banky?! my gosh.. i thought they were close..

phone lines here cannot call cell phones anymore.. daym. just when i was thinking of talking to someone this happens. fonker.

nampoota ang gusto ko lang mag-leave ng comment sa blog ni shiva.. akalain mo ba naman at pati sa comments page may discrimination dahil kelangan daw "livejournal" user din ako to be able to post a friggin' comment!!! ano ba naman yun?!

haay.. shet ang daming kaguluhan sa buhay..

alam ko di ko dapat hinirit yung hinirit ko sa text.. (kc ganto yun, may friend ako na nagsosori for not texting recently so sabi ko ok lang dahil di naman nya obligation na itext ako araw araw..di naman nya ako gf so di nya kelangan magreport sakin noh..) haay na-offend ata.. ewan ko.. di na nagreply eh..

tas yung friend kong isa kung pwede lang sa bahay ko nalang patirahin gagawin ko kc sobrang gusto ko sha tulungan pero wala akong magawa.. =/ so to the person who's causing her this pain and confusion and hatred.. FUCK A SHEEP, YOUR MOTHER OR YOURSELF! wala kang kwentang tao.

tas mga tao sa hcp lagi akong tinutukso kay jeorge. hello.

hay buti nalang bfast yung batch9 sa mcdo tomorrow after the shift.

haay.. ang liit ng mundo.. who would have thought that one of my coaches were friends (blockmates even) with my bestfriend's ex??!

la lang.. we were guzzling mocha fraps at Mocha Blends 1am kanina (dahil 2am pa yung shift) and then suddenly coach fran asked what course i graduated from.. tas yun pla econ din sha.. tas from beda.. tas ka-batch ba naman si 'He-who-shall-not-be-named" haha la lang.. nakakatuwa talaga ang pagkakataon..

anyway, yesterday was fun but super tiring.. right after the tuesday shift kse we went straight to makati to encash our checks tas lunch with the batch sa glorietta.. after nun punta pa kme ni deejay sa mega to buy kikay stuff.. went back to the office at around 4pm to take a bath and prep for the party.. btw, kasabay pa namin sa pila sa shower room si Norv! hehe..ang kupad pla maligo nun super!! tapos na kme ni kat sha di pa rin tapos!! hay! hehe.. nwy, we dint finish the party cuz nakakatamad and plus pagd na talaga kme nung time na yun dahil di pa kme natutulog at all.. so after the performance of our team we went to sleep sa 14th floor.. kakatawa nga kc kme lang ni deejay yung magkatabi dun.. pag gising ko si mike asa tabi na ni deej, tas si jeorge katabi ko.. tas katabi nya si butch (na btw, nka-sando ba naman eh ang lamig kaya!) na katabi si miles..haha.. muka kaming mga refugees dun.. haay.. o basta we got up at 1130 dahil akala namin 12 start ng shift tas yun pala 2 na daw dahil nga sa party.. nag-Mocha Blends nalang kme tas dun ko nalaman na bedan pla si coach fran.

hay o cge alis nko feel ko susumbong ako ni alien kay ms. j kse im using the internet, eh sipsep pa naman yung alien na yun..