It's getting harder to bullshit. Maybe it's because I'm older now, and things are supposed to matter.*laughter*And now maybe I'm supposed to mean what I say. But then I'd have to know the actual difference between real truth, and truth at the time I'm saying it.

******

Someone told me once that I tried to hard to control things. If that were true, why the hell am I a mess? I'm really not bitching. It's an honest question.

******

Watching Chicco blow a smoke cloud skyward.Me: Sana yung usok may kasamang wish, para alam mong nakakarating sa langit. (Chicco tilts his head and blows another cloud)Chicco: Lord, sana mag-quit na ko.

******

To all of you there whose issues are definitely more important than mine (because believe it or not, the one I have right now isn't obvious, and for once I'm never going to bring it up), it'll all be okay. Whether it turns out well or not. Okay will always be the last description for any given situation. We have to believe this. So it will be okay.

******

off to the ICT Christmas party down at Metrowalk.. afterwhich the whole team proceeds to Laguna for our own version of an ICT Christmas.. it better be good. laters!

grabe katamad ba naman mag-OT ngayon kaya eto petix lang ako sa office.. hehe.. anyway, mej tagal kong di nakapg-update.. after shift saturday (meaning sunday morning na) punta kme ni miles sa galle to shop.. tas after nun direcho na sa house ni jason where a celebration of miss J's bday will take place.. astig nga eh, class 9 lang yung invited aside from miss J's close friends in the account..

so anyways, ang wala lang dun from my batch, si erica. pero happy pa rin cuz we finished 2 bottles of Cuervo.. haha.. seryosong bangenge ako pag-uwi ko.. haha.. but mas masaya yung spin the bottle game dahil ang daming revelations ng mga tao.. pati tuloy yung akin na-reveal kay miss J, at tawa lang sha ng tawa.. ("hay nako idagdag mo pa yung bangkay ko john!") all in all i got to know other vets in a different light.. as in ibang iba pala talaga mga tao sa floor.. lalo si miss J.. amazing!! haha.. although sermon to the max ako when i got home at 630pm (hello kl, 9am kc natapos yung shift mo diba?), ok lang din kc la naman shift the next day so tulog galore lang ako sa bahay.. comatose effect kumbaga.

i'm glad lara liked the video shivs, ivan and i made as bday gift.. i don't remember when she texted her 'thank you'--because i am the least person you'd wanna talk to when it comes to what day it is--but i think it turned out ok naman.. i can't wait to watch it sometime.. =)

on saturday, i will be meeting my former college block.. (*exciting exciting*) ewan ko kung anong gagawing namin.. masaya kung videoke kina sheryl but it doesn't matter much dahil yung company pa lang ok na ok nako.. grabe miss ko na kayo Eco4B!!! can't wait to spend quality dinner(?) with you all!

may chika na sa nov6 daw ay pupunta ang Class 9 sa Baguio.. grabe ukay ukay lang ang habol ko dun!!! sana tuloy.

s.bob also invited me to an all-expense paid trip to puerto galera on that same day.. and masasabi ko lang..HELLO.

o sha tinatamad nako magtype..vavoo!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LARA!!!

again i wasn't allowed to leave a comment in shiva's blog.. so can i just say, that whether you end up in manila or in baguio, what matters is that you are happy. you told me once that it's never been money that has motivated you to pursue what you want.. so go for what it is your heart wants.. suportahan lang kita.. =)

sunday was an amazing day.. diba shivs? hehe.. i got the new jeans i wanted.. pigged-out.. strolled along the makati (glorietta/greenbelt) malls and went home when my feet couldn't take the walking anymore. i didn't find the "amazing" Goldcrest shirts though. haha.

lara's right. i quit my old blog because it didn't feel right being read by all these strangers and receiving all their unsolicited comments.. i mean, they hardly know me. posting on a daily basis about my life gave them the liberty to judge me based on just that. so i left.

but now i'm back because i have lots of time to burn and i have a fucking keyboard. haha.

anyway, yesterday i found out he was such an ass. yes, after the free coffee at starbucks and the shark tale movie. i just think it's so desperate. good thing i had this littile chat with lyza.. haay. i mean, i gave it a shot (thanks to everyone who nagged). but i really don't think the two of us (i actually wrote "we will" but then again the word "we" could bring me allergies) would ever stand on the same plane. i know he wants something and he wants it in a rush. which is not how i view things.. or love in general. i mean, tama si beth.. sabi nya pwedeng maging magkaibigan muna sana diba? di yung isang araw liligaw na.. ano yun?

una pa lang naman nalabuan nako sa kanya eh. ang kaso pinagbigyan ko pa kaya ngayon nahihirapan ako umiwas kahit iritang irita nako sa kanya. lecheng buhay.

tangina ang problema sa kanya mashado shang atat.. he feels having a girlfriend is a need he has to fulfill when all he really wants is a constant ka-landian. yan talaga yung term ka-landian. i don't think he's looking for something in the long run. and then it all boils down to how sincere he really is.

di ako mapakali.. you know that feeling where you so want to get involved in something but you can't commit cuz you don't know where you're gonna be at that time? haay. torn.

lapit na bday ni lara.. yipee yay! dinner out 'to sure shot. daya nga eh mukang may pasok ako the day she wants to celebrate (sa 23).. sabi ko nga ok lang basta she'll invite someone cute na sa ortigas/pasig area uuwi para pwede ako ihatid sa office in time for my shift.. suggestion ba naman ng lola mo--c jake daw. iba sha mag-joke noh? labo.. kung si wilford naman daw, malamang he won't leave that early.. haay.. naalala ko tuloy mga boylets ni lyza.. pwede ko kaya hiramin yung isa for that night lang? haha.

anyway, masaya ko yesterday dahil i made 7 sales.. sana i make it to the commissions list this month.. dahil speaking of commissions, i got my paycheck last shift at happy happy joy joy.. =) salamat sa maraming o.t. at sa madaming benta.

hay nako tulog na si larisa.. si lyza asa neighbor.. alang makulit sa phone..

NEED TO GET:
1. new jeans
2. ("the amazing") shirts from Goldcrest
3. junk food
4. 1 box quake cake to store in the locker
5. lara's gift
6. pizza bar
7. refresh medicines
8. new videos
9. cosmo pocket book
10. toilettries

NEED TO DO:
SUNDAY
- sleep til afternoon
- have an x-ray
- SHOP!

MONDAY
- see my doctor
- meet up with lara for an emergency meeting (starbucks malamang)
- have a haircut (David's)
- sleep til evening

sabi ko diba 9.30? anong oras na po? 10.52 na. asan ka?

hay nako sana natulog nalang ako sa bahay diba?

bingo ka nanaman sakin.

was browsing through shiva's blog a while back and was not permitted to post a comment again.. kaya eto i decided to blog nalang since there's nothing else to mess with (tulog si anj sa batcave at mag-isa ako sa room..).

i've been to the point where i didn't know what to do with my life also.. after leaving my first job i enjoyed the new-found freedom of bumming and just not worrying about anything the next day because hey, i was just home, well-fed, well-entertained, well-equipped(dvds,tv,radio). if i wanted to see my friends i could just ask for allowance because of the excuse that i didn't have a job yet.. but it became tiring for me too.. everyday went that way for almost three months.. it's also quite excusable because i was recovering too (i had a lung thingy back in May --better now though.)

so one morning i decided to look for a job. the next day i had one. cool, huh? and i know a lot of people do not understand my work, much less accept it, but i enjoy it here. really. it's not the pay that lured me into going here again but more like the people.. and the challenge of actually proving that i'm worth being in the Household Credit Protect team (which is btw, the best account in ICT Manila). it's funny how slow i started and to tell you honestly, i was thinking of resigning after my first week because i've never felt so stupid in my life.. i mean, it's like everyone else was coping but i wasn't. that felt so bad. but i didn't give up. only losers give up. now i'm just waiting for my first commissions(which i didn't really expect) because i'm fucking selling now!haha.

well anyway, i could go on gabbing about where i am now but the baseline is, tomorrow i still wouldn't know what it really is i wanna do with my life.. you know that feeling that you likeit where you are but you know something's missing? i guess that's what life is all about.. in the search of the one thing that we feel could make us complete, we come across experiences--no matter how tiny they are, that weave our lives into this one big, beautiful tapestry.

happy birthday ate che(11th) and paolo(today)!!!

i think tampo sha.. ewan ko.. he kinda avoided me the whole day but he said hi naman after shift.. la lang.. sama ng feeling that i made this person tampo..

shivs, i dunno if u're right.. kinda scary to think that you're right eh.

i just feel soo bad today.. i only had 3 friggin' sales and then i even flunked my QA grade (i got a 2!daym!).. putashet tong araw na to.

nwey, il go off to galleria in a while and probably watch Resident Evil.. antay ko lang matapos shift nila dj.. yoko pa umuwi eh.. nababadtrip talaga ako sa benta ko.. sa grade ko.. haay..

i have a dilemma.

i was told by shivs to be nicer to this certain person kc ang bitch ko daw mashado and that the reason i sort of 'abuse' the person is cuz i know na crush ako nun.. so i was like, "di kaya!" but of course we all know shivs is correct. i mean i don't deliberately be a bitch to the person.. itz more like friendly messing, if you know what i mean.. lam mo yung lagi ko lang sha binabara and stuff like that.. basta iniinis, in short. but i do that all the time with all the guys in my batch noh so itz super normal lang for me.. anyway, after that conversation with shivs i vowed to be nicer to the guy.. so ahyun nice naman ako recently.. kaso nakasama ata.. kc mas FC (feeling close) na sha ngayon.. like 2 days ago he kissed the top of my head again when he arrived.. shempre i was busy typing something tas may biglang hahawak ng ulo mo sabay kiss. ano ba naman yun diba? tas nung end of shift nakasalubong ko sha sa may door tas sabi ba naman, "hi baby." HELLO. kelan pa diba? feeler. hay freak out ang lola mo.

last night he called me sa cel just to say that he can't make it to work cuz he was sick daw.. tas sabi ba naman.. "baby, i'll miss you" HELLOOOO?! talk about hibang talaga. ibang klase sha talaga..

in today's shift naman kinukulit ako at kinikiliti while i was doing calls so shempre pinapalo ko sha kc hello, im making calls diba? tas sabi ba naman "sungit mo naman nilalambing lang naman kita eh." HELLO FOR THE Nth TIME PEOPLE. so tumahimik nalang ako cuz asar nako at that time.. mamaya sabi nya look at my phone daw.. tas nagtext sha, inviting me to a movie tonight before the shift.. Shark's Tale daw.. eh la lang tinatamad ako.. gusto ko yung movie kaso hassle before the shift cuz i need all the sleep hours i could get. di ko nga nareplyan cuz nagkasunod-sunod yung mga benta ko.. til the time we ended our shift.. nawala rin kc sha so di ko na nasabi na bka may dvd nun at watch nalang namin sa portable player nya.

yung dilemma.. la lng.. nkakailang lang lahat ng pangyayari.. chka bka nga magtampo yun cuz di ako nagreply sa movie invite nya.. ewan ko.. ano ba to.

i need a lovelife na nga siguro noh para di na maka-magnet ng weirdos.

ang tanong, saan kaya ako makakahanap ng guy na gusto ko at di pa taken?